Have You Seen: “Red Dawn” (1984)

The second review in our “Have You Seen” series, the classic “Red Dawn” from 1984.  Written by my man MM…you’ll want to read something this cherry:

Bonus feature: At the end of this review are several discussion questions for you to use if you are in a movie club and want to do Red Dawn.

Oh my god, you guys. You have to see this movie. If you love to learn about how to defeat commie assholes in 1980’s Colorado, this is the movie for you.

Red Dawn is a movie about a bunch of high school kids who have to live in the woods and fight Russians after the commies try to take over America. The main guy in the movie is Patrick Swayze. If you recall, Patrick Swayze played Darry in another totally badass movie called The Outsiders. There are other way famous people in Red Dawn as well. Charlie Sheen is in it and so is C. Thomas Howell who, oh yeah, also happened to be in the Outsiders and was called Pony Boy in that movie. Charlie Sheen wasn’t in the Outsiders, but I really think he should have been. He would have been one of the rich kids if he were in it. If you aren’t familiar with The Outsiders (which what the hell is wrong with you?), C. Thomas also played that wierdo guy Monroe in the best sports movie ever, Sideout. The lady characters in Red Dawn are played by Jennifer Grey, the whiney girl from Dirty Dancing, and Leah Thompson who seems like she was in tons of other movies but I can’t think of any right now.

So what happens is that all the high school kids are in class learning about some dumb sh!t when a bunch of Russian parachute men land on the playground and start doing army stuff. The teacher is like “I’m in charge here, Russians, so you better tell me what’s going on”. The Russian guys laugh right in his face and then explode all of his organs with machine guns. The kids see this and are all like “Oh, f&%k! We gotta go live in the mountains.” So they all jump in a Ford Bronco and haul ass out of there. Before they leave town, they stop at the local sporting goods store to get guns and bows & arrows and many canned goods. So now they’re up in the mountains and Patrick Swayze says “Listen up, losers. Me and my brother Charlie Sheen have been in these mountains tons of times with our dad, so we’re in charge. If you don’t like it, then I’m going to fight you in and around this campfire that I built.” The only kid who doesn’t like it is this sniveling ass nerdy guy who is the class president. He voices his protest and then gets fought by Patrick Swayze right in front of the fire. Patrick wins so now the class president falls in line and works for Patrick and Charlie.

So all the kids are just hanging around in the woods eating canned food and being so sad because of the Russians. They also do hunting stuff and this one time C. Thomas Howell shoots a deer or an elk or a lion or something. Patrick and Charlie tell him that he has to drink the animal’s blood if he wants to be part of their hunting club. C. Thomas drinks the blood and tries to act tough about it, but you just know he’s worried that now he has Elk HIV or something.

Eventually, the group runs out of canned goods so they decide to go back into town to find out if it’s now Russia. They sneak into town and this one girl tells them that their dads have been taken to jail that is really just a fenced in area.

They guys head over to the fence jail and see their dad hanging out there and coughing a bunch. Alright, this part was so super sad that I can barely stand it. Their dad says that this is the last time they’ll see him because he is going to cough himself to death. Patrick and Charlie start crying and I totally cried with them. So powerful, you guys. C. Thomas also cries because his dad isn’t there. Seriously, this scene is not even a little bit chill. When everyone finishes crying, the kids leave and then go to this other guys house. The guy gives them some food and other stuff, but says that they also have to take his two granddaughters with them and they do. Guarantee that the first thing they thought about was trying to get naked with the teen girls.

So now they’re back in the mountains and everyone is really dirty, but somehow none of them ever grow any facial hair. This kind of sucks because surviving in the mountains pretty much means that you have to have a beard like all the time. Anyway, they’re doing all this survival stuff like killing animals and sleeping in sleeping bags. Then they start to get pissed and want to fight back against the Russian invaders. They start small by killing a few at a time, but then they get a taste for Russian blood and become like these totally badass mountain fighters. When they kill bad guys they always steal their stuff so eventually they have all kinds of guns and missiles and horses and other army stuff. They decide that they need a name for their survival team so they choose “Wolverines” because of high school football. The funniest part is when the Russian leader finds out that their name is Wolverines, he’s all like “What the f&%k is a wolverine?” Hah. Idiot!

One day when one of the girls is out hunting for Russian men to murder and rob, she stumbles upon this guy in a sleeping bag or parachute. She’s about to kill him because he doesn’t know the Capitol of Texas but he tells her to cut that sh!t out and that he’s an American pilot who was shot down from the sky. She takes him back to the camp and C. Thomas rolls up on him all tough like and the guy totally thinks that C. Thomas is so lame which he is. Anyway, now the pilot is friends with the Wolverines. He thinks it way sucks that they have to get up so early everyday to kill Russians but he does it anyway lest he get fought by Patrick Swayze in front of that fire. One day, Jennifer Grey gets a major crush on the pilot and wants to do it with him so badly, but I don’t know if they did or not because the movie doesn’t show it. They probably did, though, because you should have seen Jennifer go into heat when she was with the guy.
This other time, the Wolverines are hiding from a Russian tank that came to shoot them when C. Thomas Howell loses his sh!t and literally tries to fight the tank. This is a terrible idea and at one point the downed pilot guy gets shot or lanced or something. Anyway, he dies and oh my god, Jennifer Grey is so damn sad. It’s probably a good thing, though because eventually the pilot would have gone to jail if he ever did any sex stuff with her because he’s a full grown male adult.

At this point, the Russians are so pissed at the Wolverines for being the best at mountain fighting. So now the head Russian sends these gunships up into the mountains to hunt down the murderous teens. It ends up working pretty well because the Wolverines only have horses which don’t have any big Vulcan guns or missiles attached to them. Even if they did, though, how would they even have been able to aim them accurately? There were no computers or anything on the horses either. So Jennifer Grey gets killed by the Russian gunships, or it might have been Leah Thompson. C. Thomas also gets machine gunned which, I didn’t even care when that happened because he was kind of getting on my nerves anyway.

Now what happens is that the Wolverines are seriously short on teenagers to kill bad guys with. They decide that Patrick and Charlie will go into town and distract the Russians so that the others can get away into American territory. So the brothers head to town and start to BRING. THE. F&%KING. HEAT. Dirty Dozen style. They’re just smoking bad guys left and right with their guns and hand grenades. At one point they throw like 50 grenades at just two guys. This is way violent and is also a great way to send the message that you don’t even care how many of your weapons you have to use on a couple of commies. So, Patrick and Charlie are legit in it to win it. There’s just pandemonium everywhere as the Russians apparently are inept as f&%k (see: Afganistan circa 1983). Finally, Patrick and Charlie hide behind artillery guns on a train, but the head Russian guy who is Aztec or some other kind of Latin guy sees them and says that it’s time for a f&%king showdown. Patrick sneaks up behind him and says something way badass so the Latin guy spins around and they both shoot at the same time. They’re like ten feet apart so I don’t know why their organs aren’t blown all over the place when they get hit but whatever. Finally the Russian/Latin guy dies and Patrick has that same exhausted look on his face that he had when he tore that guy’s larnyx out in Roadhouse.

Now we see that the other teens have made their way to American territory and they are way grateful that Patrick and Charlie Rambo’d all those Russians to death. We never hear what happened to the brothers. I’m guessing that they just started going town to town beating the sh!t out of Russians until there were no more left. The end of the movie shows that there is now a plaque honoring the Wolverine teens for their survival and murder skills.

So, as you can tell, Red Dawn is so damn good. What makes it the best is that Patrick Swayze is just every kind of tough and is really the reason that America won the Cold War. When you watch this movie, though, you might want to skip past that way sad scene at the fence jail because you will cry and then feel sad too.

In case you’re in a movie club and want to analyze Red Dawn, here are a few discussion starters:

1) Patrick Swayze is no doubt the best player on the high school football team. How many touchdowns do you think he scores in an average game?
2) When Patrick Swayze asserts his dominance early on in the movie, didn’t you just know that this was going to happen?
3) When the teens found those horses, how long do you estimate that it took for Patrick Swayze to say that he gets first pick?
4) Prior to the Russian invasion, do you think that Patrick Swayze played other sports besides football, like wrestling?
5) Depending on your answer to question four, do you believe that Patrick Swayze was the best wrestler in the state? The country? The world?
6) Do you think that Patrick Swayze had a Golden Retriever named “Ranger”?
7) How many girls has Patrick Swayze made it with?

Ledbury in Georgetown

Head’s up, DC folks: the good people at Ledbury are opening their Pop Up shop from November 15th through January 25th at 1254 Wisconsin Avenue NW, in the heart of Georgetown. The pop-up shop design is inspired by our annual Quail Hunt – A-frame canvas tents for fitting rooms and a cool, minimal white and wood design. The pop-up will feature an exclusive Ledbury Georgetown Collection, three limited-edition shirts available exclusively in the Georgetown store. The styles are more laid-back: flannels and a brushed twill.

What’s even better? They are throwing a huge launch party on Friday night:

They’d love to have you and your friends.  Give ‘em an RSVP at events@ledbury.com

Some images from last years’ pop up in Georgetown:

Here’s To You, Wm Lamb…

Here’s to you, Wm. Lamb, for pulling the biggest BADASS move I’ve ever seen:

Nicely done, my friend.


Criquet Long Sleeve Player’s Shirt Giveaway

It’s no secret that Criquet Shirts plays a bit part in Red Clay Soul’s golf and summer casual attire.  I started wearing their Player’s shirts in early 2012, and they have moved to the range of ‘exclusive’ in terms of golf shirts.  Seriously – I don’t wear anything else on the course.  I firmly believe that these shirts alone have taken five strokes off my handicap.

To transition to cooler weather, my boys from Austin have just restocked and reloaded on their long sleeve version of the Player’s shirt.  They added a color (Blue Steel) and are ready to rock.  These aren’t your normal long sleeve polos – these have some style.  Functioning cuffs, point collar, and flap pocket.  It’s almost more of a popover than a polo.  They are really versatile.  Wear them under a sweater, alone, with jeans, with khakis, or on Sunday on the couch.  You will be comfortable, and you will be better looking than anyone else in the room.

To help with that, we’re teaming up with Criquet Shirts to give away one of these shirts to a lucky reader.  Your choice of color.  And since they are such generous folks, they are going to throw in a visor and a couple koozies.

Leave a comment to this post to enter.  For additional entries:

  • +1 (2 Total) ‘Like’ Criquet Shirts on Facebook
  • +1 (3 Total) ‘Like’ Red Clay Soul on Facebook
  • +1 (4 Total) ‘Follow’  Criquet Shirts on Twitter
  • +1 (5 Total) ’Follow’ Red Clay Soul on Twitter
  • +1 (6 Total) Tweet the following about the giveaway: I entered the @criquetshirts X @redclaysoul Long Sleeve Players Shirt Giveaway.  Click here to enter: http://bit.ly/QAv1Eb

Red Clay Soul Gift Guide #2: All My Rowdy Friends Have Settled Down

There comes a time in life when it’s time to forget your old ways, and transition into new ways.  Maybe it’s because you get married.  Maybe it’s because you become a dad for the first or second time.  Maybe it’s because you move to the suburbs.  This gift guide is for those guys.  The guys that have become part of the machine.  Successful guys whose nights are spent checking email right before bed, and whose weekends are spent coaching little league.  Old fraternity brothers that drink sparingly, and when they do, it’s for the taste.  Not like the old days…but hey, we’ve all got to grow up.

Don’t forget about these guys.  We’ll all be there one day, if we aren’t already.  Here’s what they want this Christmas:

From Top Left:

1. Brooks Brothers Black Watch Harris Tweed Sport Coat:  These guys wear their navy blazer like it’s a second skin.  No harm, no foul, but adding something with a little more jazz is a good thing.  The black watch goes with almost as much as the navy blazer, and even better: it helps you look like you know what you are doing.
2. Tivoli Audio Bluetooth Model Three Alarm Clock:  While these guys have been completely satisfied with a Sony Dream Machine for the last 20 years, waking up to AM radio is a miserable experience.  Replace that relic with great sound, great technology, and a cool look.  The mornings won’t be so bad anymore.
3. Randolph Engineering Sportsman Sunglasses:  Immediate acceleration of style-factor by a factor of three.  These are a step up from the traditional ‘need for speed’ aviators, and go with everything EXCEPT CROAKIES.
4. Club Glove Burst Proof Wheeled Travel Bag:  This is a “want” gift, as in something that you’d never buy for yourself, but will be extremely appreciated.  Club Gloves are as good as it gets for golf club protection when traveling, and the Sea Island logo is a nice touch.
5. Norse Project Gloves:  For some reason, gloves don’t get much attention in terms of being a staple for men, but when it’s cold, they are very necessary.  A good pair is completely justified, as you won’t grow out of them.  Add a subtle embroidered monogram on the wrist for a personal touch.
6. Levi’s 501 Twill Jeans in Timberwolf:  Levi’s has this line of 501s in a variety of colored twill denim, and they are absolutely outstanding.  The tan pair, which they call ‘Timberwolf’, is a must for every man’s closet.  They go with everything, and don’t have to be ironed like khakis…allow me to be clear: do not iron your jeans.
7. Suunto Ambit2 HR Running Watch:  Technology is changing fitness.  A stopwatch and lap count are almost secondary to the rest of the monitoring and statistics that are available in today’s watches.  Suunto sets the standard, and they look great off the track as well.
8. Smathers and Branson Bourbon Needlepoint Belt:  Back in the day, singing “99 Bottles” used to be more about keeping count.  Today, it’s more about quality, not quantity.  Show off your refined taste with this belt from Smathers & Branson
9. Leupold GX3i2 Rangefinder:  Because who really wants to look for sprinkler heads…dial it in.  Don’t end up in the lumberyard.
10. Saddle Leather Backgammon Set:  Mind games.
11. Steven Alan Sweater:  There is a conscious transition to more dressy weekend wear, and we here at Red Clay Soul are completely on board.  This Steven Alan sweater goes great with a pair of khakis and New Balances or with good jeans and a pair of chukka boots.  Much better than a wind suit.
12. Alden for Brooks Brothers Shell Cordovan Tassel Loafers:  The tassel loafer is second only to the cap toe oxford in terms of classic dress shoes.  They will NEVER go out of style.  #8 colored shell cordovan is as luxurious as it gets, and actually helps their longevity.  This is a great example of a gift for a settled-down guy.  Probably something he’d never buy for himself, but something that would become a frequent player in his rotation.
13. Reigning Champ Mid-Weight Zip-up Hoodie:  Replace that old sweatshirt (that she steals all the time) with something a little more stylish, but still build for comfort.  Even if it is for lazy Sunday afternoons…

Sunday Reading: The William Brown Project

There are so many great blogs out there, and while the posting frequency of some may have slowed down or sped up, the content is outstanding.  I’ve been following The William Brown Project for years.  Awesome stuff.  Very dude-appropriate.  When Matt had his show, I saw an extension of WBP, and felt like I knew the ‘back story’.

Do yourself a favor – go back and start from the beginning.  You won’t be disappointed.

Saturday Sales…Seven Weeks Until Christmas

Good morning, readers.  We’ve got roughly seven weeks until Christmas, and there are some great sales going on.  Don’t wait until Black Friday, or Cyber Monday, or Christmas Eve at the QT.  Here you go:

Brooks Brothers is doing up to 70% off their Clearance Section.  My pick: Everyone loves a Fun Shirt.  Everyone.

J. Crew is doing 25% off quite a bit…  My pick: Their brand new flannel popover.  I love popovers…they have the “I’m good enough to wear to work, but cool enough to party” look.  Picking the right shoes are key, though…I prefer to dress up rather than lumberjack up, so I’d say go with some Suede Chukka boots like these Loakes.

Orvis has an extra 20% off sale items, and there’s quite a bit there.  I really like their wool and cotton tartan dress shirts.  Their patterns are almost statement pieces.  Just the right amount of punch.

Levi’s is doing 30% off your entire purchase.  Serious business, including their sale section, where you can find Jester Red 501s for $20 a pair…HURRY.

You can find the Randolph Engineering chrome aviators for $50 off retail at Huckberry…these are tough to find in stock, and you’ll be able to wear them for ten years.  Made in the USA, too.

I found a restock of the Patagonia Brodeo Beanies…they’ll sell out very quickly…

I know it’s the offseason, but Onward Reserve has Strong Boalt swimsuits on sale for under $100.  That’s a GREAT deal.